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Monday, June 11, 2007]
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tracing back all my memories of the past...
currently to what i notice... the onli thing or person that is hindering me from quiet time is my own brother.... can you imagine that?
keep irritating me...
well todae he came into the room just now n prevented me from doing quiet time...
he begin saying me stuff.... and also some option which is rather unfair...
i feel veri heart broken after awhile he took my snowry go out adn left the room... after that i feel soo heart broken tears keep flowing down my eyes...
well as i was recovering...
the lord begin to show me somethings... bringing me back to last month... got one sat service i book one row charlie terrace...
got one person came in n snatch from me...
and resulted to big quarrel...
in the end i manage to somehow win...
after that... a cg member yell at me on the phone...
i feel soo terrible... i m a person seldom quarrel...
i m veri dissapointed... in the hse of God ppl still like that...
affter that some of my cg member late... a team leader came and insisted me on giving up seats...
and i dun wan... this result in another quarrel...
worse is i m a usher.... and soo happen i serve under this team leader be4 and he noes me... thought i m okay now i still feel that i not on talking term with him...
regarding pos... i feel soo left out...
i been trying to blend in and each time i m on the verge of giving up...
i feel soo depress at first when i join pos...
have a feeling of rejection...
and u can feel that ppl r talking behind your back...
and true enough... there are and i discover...
and luckily those talk abt me r good....
nextly nyp pos team the girls...
i dunnoe what i can say abt them...
gossip gossip abt me on the actual day...
soo happen i go wheel chair toilet and try put contact lens..
but my lens dunnoe y keep slipping...
haiz in the toilet thy keep banging door no patient... and you can realli feeli that they r criticing me...
and there are many things...
but there is one thing that realli make me depress...
sundae i was doing internall traffic turnel... soo happen was pastor prayed be4 preaching n i get instruction direct flow to turnel 4...
soo happen a woman sit at charlie ( plaftform) wanted to go in...
and i dun let i say pastor is starting to preach u cant go in... becos of that she scolded me...
just like that...
i m shocked... this is in the hse of God... WORSE STILL pressence of God is there and yet she scolded me... all i can do is to realli humble myself... in the end a ic help me handle her... soon after awhile she came back n find trouble with me... she want to borrow pen from me and i dun have and for that she... dun say liao...
i realli feel like crying... cos its a sacrifise that i wake up early and report...
i woke up 6am to go to church!
its even earlier then the time i wake up when i go to sch...
i realli sacrify alot and yet i got scolded...
i realli wanted to leave the hall n cry...
thinking of all of that just now realli make me feel super broken... veri veri broken... it realli feel that i left nothing...
all i have i gave to God...
i feel soo broken that i started crying...
my life is totally transparent... in this lifetime there is nothing i hope for except for Him he is my closest friend my stronghold my tower my healer my deliverer my God my father my guider my comforter my peace my strength my joy my love my life and most of all my Saviour...
Labels: Let my life be wholly thine My life be wholly thine...
running after you at 9:01 AM
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