HoPeS & DrEaMs

2007-06-11T09:01:00.000-07:00

tracing back all my memories of the past...
currently to what i notice... the onli thing or person that is hindering me from quiet time is my own brother.... can you imagine that?
keep irritating me...

well todae he came into the room just now n prevented me from doing quiet time...
he begin saying me stuff.... and also some option which is rather unfair...
i feel veri heart broken after awhile he took my snowry go out adn left the room... after that i feel soo heart broken tears keep flowing down my eyes...

well as i was recovering...
the lord begin to show me somethings... bringing me back to last month... got one sat service i book one row charlie terrace...
got one person came in n snatch from me...
and resulted to big quarrel...
in the end i manage to somehow win...
after that... a cg member yell at me on the phone...
i feel soo terrible... i m a person seldom quarrel...
i m veri dissapointed... in the hse of God ppl still like that...
affter that some of my cg member late... a team leader came and insisted me on giving up seats...
and i dun wan... this result in another quarrel...
worse is i m a usher.... and soo happen i serve under this team leader be4 and he noes me... thought i m okay now i still feel that i not on talking term with him...

regarding pos... i feel soo left out...
i been trying to blend in and each time i m on the verge of giving up...
i feel soo depress at first when i join pos...
have a feeling of rejection...
and u can feel that ppl r talking behind your back...
and true enough... there are and i discover...
and luckily those talk abt me r good....

nextly nyp pos team the girls...
i dunnoe what i can say abt them...
gossip gossip abt me on the actual day...
soo happen i go wheel chair toilet and try put contact lens..
but my lens dunnoe y keep slipping...
haiz in the toilet thy keep banging door no patient... and you can realli feeli that they r criticing me...

and there are many things...
but there is one thing that realli make me depress...

sundae i was doing internall traffic turnel... soo happen was pastor prayed be4 preaching n i get instruction direct flow to turnel 4...
soo happen a woman sit at charlie ( plaftform) wanted to go in...
and i dun let i say pastor is starting to preach u cant go in... becos of that she scolded me...
just like that...
i m shocked... this is in the hse of God... WORSE STILL pressence of God is there and yet she scolded me... all i can do is to realli humble myself... in the end a ic help me handle her... soon after awhile she came back n find trouble with me... she want to borrow pen from me and i dun have and for that she... dun say liao...
i realli feel like crying... cos its a sacrifise that i wake up early and report...
i woke up 6am to go to church!
its even earlier then the time i wake up when i go to sch...
i realli sacrify alot and yet i got scolded...
i realli wanted to leave the hall n cry...

thinking of all of that just now realli make me feel super broken... veri veri broken... it realli feel that i left nothing...
all i have i gave to God...
i feel soo broken that i started crying...
my life is totally transparent... in this lifetime there is nothing i hope for except for Him he is my closest friend my stronghold my tower my healer my deliverer my God my father my guider my comforter my peace my strength my joy my love my life and most of all my Saviour...

2007-05-12T09:20:00.000-07:00

well todae i went to church for the 5pm service.
it was a great service though i m abit distracted...
its talk about meekness...
pst Kong preach abt that message and it inpacted and inspired me alot and challenge me too...
you know.
at the minister time... the lord have speck to me and blown me away...
He says (surmarize) "If you are willing to be meek... you will inherit the Earth. This is the promise i make to you..." I M BLOWN...
TOTALLY BLOWN...
next i replied "God i admit that i m poor in the spirit." then i started crying out...
it was a nice encounter...
you see... sometime i dunnoe why i m soo sensetive towards people, atmosphere,words and the spiritual realm...
this have plays a veri big part in my life...
it makes me easily hurt , sad happy , glad....
it lets me to have a conversation with the Holy Spirit daily...
this type of encounter i have daily...
beside that i got some unwanted visitor...............
well i m happy that i m super sensetiveto the spiritual realm.
it let me to have conversation with God daily...
it let me to see things of what the future will happen
it let me see soooo many things.....
now assurely... God is my everything in my world

2007-05-05T08:52:00.000-07:00

well... todae (sat) woke up at 12pm ><
was too tireed cos' of my hectic week...
but i m thankful that i m able to find rest...

well i went to church...
i reach expo at 4:45 when service start at 5pm >< pro mah?
LOL
i veri funny.. go in hall straight away chiong charlie arena 02 give usher alot of problem lol.... by right they should give me lah...
but aniway in the end i got charlie arena 05 not bad view gd sit and veri centralised ^^
during the service i been expecting the word... hehe

the message insppire me alot!
i examine my life with the first message of the Sermon of the Mount.
i just realised the thing that i have done in my life...
are all link to my life andi carry out the word in my life...
i m in a state of shock of how come i do all this thing in the bible that is say is right n i dun realise...
and it was then i remembered last time i prayed be4...
"Holy Spirit... guide me in my life daily...."
i got the clear picture todae ^^

after the message everybody stood up.
we sang the song Lord we are hungry.
indeed there is something i m hungrey about more.
That is to increase the love of God in my life...
Basically my life is made of love... without love i say to u i m nothing and i wont survive thus this far....
well i keep asking and hunger when they singing the song.... then rite...
pastor kong ask them to change song to I Want To Sing Key: C
i feel the hand of God and the love of God come upon me...
i begin to weep...
i just keep crying crying and also give thanks to him for being with me in these stressful challenging and nonsense week...
i am veri touch....
i feel the love level being increase in my life!
currently my love lvl has been increase i think countless time...
and i feel that this love that i experience be4... i should let ppl experience it if they want to...
i hope that i would be a testimony.

well... this week i m closer to God that ever...
the hand of God , the grace and the strength keep come upon me... remembering thursdae... i m soo tired to the extend that i m breaking down and fainting in class...
but i dunnoe why on wed i prayed to God that "Father give me strength and anoiting to walk."
and i realise that it was for thursdae...
i begin to pray in class that God u noe i m feeling sick.... plz heal me...
i begin lay hand on myself...
and i feel the anoiting run through my body and the power that went through i dunnoe how to describe....
and instandly all the tireness and the sickness gone...
i marvelled in amazement and give thanks.

well basically this week though everything was soo bad and hectic...
i really happy that everything work well.
i m happy that God is there for me.
this week is a miracle week as it was the supernatural strength of God that i rely on to survive.
i m veri thankful!
Sermon on the Mount!
i m gonna listen to the full message!
i do hope cell group is able to change to fridae but aniway aWwWwW

2007-04-30T06:48:00.000-07:00

firstly...
to apologize for not updating it ><
was too lazy at home lol

aniway this post i gonna write is by the prompting of God...
you see sat nite
i was going to prepare to sleep and gonna wake up early on sun morning to go to church ^^...
but right...
i do not know why i just couldnt slp... from sun 12am i struggal to 12.30 still can sleep...
until abt 12.50... i still cant sleep...
and i cant feel peace and the tangible pressence in my room...
my han mao all standing...
then i feel feAR all over me...
it was then i realise something was wrong...
then i started to worship God and try to break through...
but i just cant... i keep strugalling and keep kana attack...
it was a 1 v 1 match between me and the devil...
i dunnoe abt u guys but to me God , devil , spirit all this i believe they exist they are all so real to me...
i have experience soo mani things in my life which are re: these issues...

abt half an hour lata... i got a advice to use ps 91... soo i did...
all i do was play the song You Are My Hiding Place and i keep praying and speck the word like the machine gun...
in ps 91 got onepart is He shall cover you with His featherss and under His wing you shall seek refuge...
i dunnoe why i started believing it...
one hour lata i feel my room is just like heaven on earth.
the joy of the lord suddenly came upone me... i was in such a joy that i keep jumping and whirling ard... it was such a nice and pleasurable moment...
through this 1 v 1 match... i learn abt alot of things...
it took me 1 and a half hour of praying worshiping and specking the word to break through. it was a good experience though when you pull down heaven into yr room!

this is all i gotto say ^^

2007-04-16T06:17:00.000-07:00

Benny Hinn came to CHC last week...
as usual as an usher and also a kiasu Singaporean...
I serve all 3 services lol
cos i lz to queue up hehe...

well fridae...
i was doing west balcony in indoor stadium...
my zone only got 20 ppl only...
i was quite shock cos' this is Benny Hinn service...
always got ppl kana turn off...
but to my amazement...
the hall is not pack...
well i was having a great time enjoying the pressense of God. and also the anoiting that was pressence...
OH YAR~~!!
usher dress code is formal and i wan to cry...
cos i hate wear formal...

On sat...
i was doing West Terrence Gate T34
my ic was kind enof for me to reserve 5 seats for my parents and my grand ma ...
soo was kind of relieve...
be4 service start i got scolded by a man cos at terrence got alot reserve seats...
and hor instruction given to all usher is to direct flow to south no one suppose to enter to terrence...
soo hor i dun wan open and that man scold me....
i was super zzz then after that dun caRE LOL~~
wanted to reply him... "Excuse me... This is Benny Hinn Service... you wan good seats?
COME EARLIER lah..." not onli that i was see that crazy person scolding usher during service time...
well...
to me i would say no body noes abt what going on but God noes ^^
well Benny Hinn Ministered to the whole congregation...
The anoiting was soo strong that he dun need to touch a person to let the power of God to Touch the person...
everybody was amaze...
Even i was amaze...
all those thing i heard abt him frm my cg member are true...
well he said to the west area (my area) "I feel a trememdous anoiting here... People on my left join hands and leaven yr hands up." All the people on the west did as he said... then after awhile he said agressively "TOUCHED"
people started fallin under the power of God. Well i Fell too...
after that i stand up...
leave my hands up high to worship and feel the anoiting... I suddenly feel a electricity run through my body...
my hands got numb and the feeling like electricuted... my body contract veri badly and i feel like electricity run through my entire body and i shaking vigourously... after ahwile my leg got the feeling too and i enable to balance and i fell one more time...
I believe that it was the Holy Spirit that touch me...
i laid on the floor for quite sometime as i unable to move...
the sort of like electricity thing run through my body...
after awhile i can stand up...
then i leave my hands again...
then rite he say everyone in this hall join hands and by the count of 3 shout Hallehlujah and the power of God will hit the place... well everyone did what he said... then rite... i shouted hallehlujah soo loud and the last thing i could rmb is ppl in the floor area start to fall..
and too i fell too... but when i got up my parents next to me ask me...
"Do you know what just happen?"
i said i dunnoe...
"You flew awaypass the metal gate..."
and i was shhock cos i m veri surprise i did not feel ani pain...
and i thought i fall but is i flew...
after awhile Benny Hinn imparted some healing virtue to us...
i Lift up my hands up high...He prayed to God and ask him to touch the hands of the ppl and give them healing virtue... when he said amen...
I fell again...
i fell 3 time and flew away one time...
and i finally noe what my primary calling is gonna be...

On sun...
the whole hall was pack... i was doing weat arena gate...
the anoiting was not as great as sat...
but the mailand chinese ppl realli touched me alot...
i dunnoe why i begin to wept with them as they were on the stage...
alot of healing miracle happens...
wel he didnt minister to the whole congregation...
but... at the end of these 3 conferences...
i am veri inspired by him and i told God i wan the anoiting in my life...

Inspired and touched!

2007-04-09T02:55:00.000-07:00

i seriously have a super confusing days this few weeks.
during mark corner service i was serving charlie terrece 05...
i was super busy that time terrece ppl keep giving me all sort of nonsence and crap...
when worship they sing to santuary... i immediately stop and veri gep xim and emo...
i keep thinking of God's love....
as they sing the chorus i was soo drawn away and i wanted to cry out veri terribly... but i cant... i just cant...

then easter....
i went to 4 out of 5 service...
i watch the dramma 4 time and cry everytime i watch it...
when Jesus was taking the cross...
the music is the song Crusify...
the chorus part goes like this
"This is your Saviour
Pure love from Heaven
Sent to calvery to die for us
something something something (forget lyrics)

Rejected cursed to die
Love silently endured
His blood pour out as a offering
at the foot of the cross"

i was crying like mad when this song is being played....
crying even crazier when reach the bridge part which goes like this
"For the broken heartes For the lost and need"
some thing like that but longer i forget lyrics again...
and at the bridge part God told me this...
" I love you. love love love love love love love"
everything is soo clear...
He demotrated his love by giving us his son to die on the cross...

when they nail Jesus on the cross (dramma acted by city harvest church)
the harmmer sound was sooo pain i can immediately felt Jesus pain....
the harmmer one time my tears drop one time...
i was soo touched by God's love 4 time... every service i went to...

i juz wanna say....
i am soo love by Him
i am soo well taken care off....

2007-04-02T06:48:00.000-07:00

seriously these few daes is realli a battle and a big dicision making in my head...
one ask me to do this the other tell me do that and another want control me and wan me do his way...
its full of contradiction in my life...
is full of ironic situation
its realli confusing on how i am going to continue

i seriously dunnoe how i am going to continue...
beside that i have been suan by Person X on sun
suan till veri badly...
mani thinks that it is a joke...
but to ppl like me those suan attack you instantly
those who noe me veri well should noe or maybe not noe

bringing me back to this point...
i m seriously seriously VERI VERI depress...
i juz feel that i m a failure and ppl ard me keep shooting me and suanning me...
i m totally like a loser ...

well juz to give u all a update...
the sucider me have never left me...
when it came to me i juz say no i wanted to live
but recently i got sooo sad that a pen knife looks like one of my best friend and high rise building and calling me
i seriously have a hard time having a huge mind battlefeild on my head

thinking of this... i remembered 2 years ago...
when i was a person that is veri emo and depress
i went out to the building
and want to jump down from the 15th floor...
it was a miracle when alvin called me and share with me wat the love of God was...
and as a christian for 2 months that time...
i finally experience the power of His love which touch me ever the first time with love and He help me through
this is the reason why i am still here todae...
although now i am still a person that dunnoe how to love...
i believe one day i will love...
mani ppl ask me y i continue go church this and that...
i m veri frank here
he have redeem me he have saved me over and over again...
no matter how bad things can get i noe he is with me...
that why no matter what i wont leave i will continue cling on and walk till to the end...
some may say... "hey you are a christian.. how can u behave this way."
most of the time i remain quiet but in my heart i wanna reply...
"i am still human i still got my own personal life got my own problems..."

all i can say is...
i dun care how tempted to die as i m tempted now
i will continue to live my life well and continue to walk
no matter what i will cling on...
i wont do foolish thing
bye Bye

tWinkL3 twiNkl3 liTTl3 stAr
bring me away

2007-03-28T07:04:00.002-07:00

lol todae went to zakum and xiao xiao qi
in the end i solo body 3 LOL

2007-03-28T07:04:00.001-07:00

lol todae went to zakum and xiao xiao qi
in the end i solo body 3 LOL

2007-03-28T07:04:00.000-07:00

LOL todae got ppl jio me go zakum and i go LOL

and geuss what i got this ss that make me laugh like siao

cool right i am the first priest ever to solo Body 1 LOL

2007-03-25T06:49:00.000-07:00

firstly i muz say
my posting leh is when i feel that there is something that i realli wan to share then i put der... if not i dun anihow post der...

secondly, this is for (Jasmine jie jie)

JASMINE when are you gonna accept JIAN HE LOVE??
i wanna see you 2 ahem wor =x

aniway i would say that these few daes of my life have been rather confusing and blurand have been rather emo lor...
i could always listening to His voice talking to me those words that i straight away talking to my inner being ...
you see He will onli speck to you when time are inconvenient and bad...
let me go back to the history of my life...
when i was pri 4
my grandfather past away...
it have impacted me alot...
i feel that i have caused his death...
this guilt i have in my life i hide it within me... and slowly forget and i todae been brought back to history and i got a clear pic... you see last time to go my hse there is a big hill and a small hill... got once i throw my temple...
i climb the big hill... my grandfather follow me...
after a few weeks...
he started to have breathing problem and admitted to hospital and after awhile he past away
from that day i keep having this guilt that i have caused his death...
if onli i have climb the small hill... he will still be with me now...
omg i m gettin emo...
these are wang shi already haiz...

core part :
he is finding away to break free from this bondage
he is finding away to be free from these things
he is finding away to heal his mental life
he is finding away to not be emo
he is finding away to get rid of those stabbes in his heart that the people he loves dearly does on him
he is finding away to stop being soo gothic
he is finding away to be happy with life
he is finding away to be like a normal youth
he is finding away to be loving
he is finding away on how to trust people again
he is finding away to be whole again
he is finding away to be a person who is full of hope...

thats all guys that all i gotto say...

2007-03-11T07:22:00.001-07:00

Today I went to church.
Its a great sermon by Sy Rogers.
He is super funny. HAHA
He have realli give me a new revelation and have really impacted me.

At the end of the service, he ask those who got needs to come down to the alter.
And Indeed I went down to the alter wuth a heavy heart and a afraid heart.

You see, this few weeks i have been experience hell. i been trying to socialize more just like Chris ask me to.
I began trying out by the game that i play call "Maple Story". Every saturday, i try to make it a point to go there and socialize with people and also to open up. I also trying to love people more and trying to make good use of my time. But the things you want to do always come with some obstacle. I first got attacked by my marks and have been scolded for nothing and i felt soo unfair. Next, I begin to get attacked by the "d_ _ _ l" been critised accuse and demeen.

Whatever it is I got attacked very badly this week.My walk with God somehow juz slide back by abit.

Today pastor eileen lay hands on me. One things that i must say she is sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo spiritual to the extend that she knows what is my needs in my life and say every single thing accurately without me tellin her.
After that i fall. And I heard a voice from heaven. " Don't be afraid. I am always here by your side. I am sorry." i heard alot of things too but the core is in this sentence. I felt a coverage over my body as i lie down on the ground.
In my eyes i just see PURE white light and I felt that I am on the hands of God.

After that i return to my seat. It was a short distance back but one seems to take eternal to walk bak to my seats.
It was a long and emo walk. I am there on the edge of ccrying out loud already but i TOLERATE. Back at my seat, a few tears drop from my eyes and ai kneel down throughtout the whole session.

After service, I give some of my cell grp members a hug that i put in with love. I was soo touched todae that i needed badly a hug from my friends or close ones. After that I speck to my leader and I cannot take it already and i broke down for approximately half an hour. Truely i say that MY GOD is a God that is full of surprised to cheer my up and to lift me up and to minster to me.

2007-03-09T06:26:00.000-08:00

Some people say it is the part and parcel of life. Some people say is the way you think. Some people say is how you interpret it. But to me, it is all real not virtual. It is upright not inverted.

Though I got 2 As 3Bs 3 Cs 17 point. Average result, why do I still got scolded? Simple as that their expectation are just too high and they do not have enough IQ to "think" about missing 2 week of school. It is veri unfair to me as I would say.

Well, sometime I just tell myself that I gonna keep enduring and belive that I will reach my goals soon. I say to myself I am not going to let anyone else to affect me. But little that I realise, those who are close to me often to be the one who affects me the most in my walk.

Now, I am slowly closing up and failing. I keep asking myself why do I still get scolded? What did I do? All they say me is never study this and that. As a matter of fact, is they never see me only. Still scold me that they work late to provide my brother and I a better living. There is one proven fact they fail to realise. Is that my brother and I no need the things they provide. All we need is just quality time~~!!

Afterall, they often generalise terms and us. So I geuss I got to live with it.

Now all I want is be with Him for He is the Holy one EVER TRUE

Who always prove that his love triump in this Earth. Who always come in a special way to touch my life. It is this unconditional love that He gave that runs the drive in my life.

All I want is YOU

2007-02-21T06:48:00.000-08:00

todae is one of the worse day of my life...
my parents and brother left for KL w/o me...
they do not wan to let me go cos they say that i miss out alot in sch the 2 weeks when i m absent from sch...

well...
this bad things make me sad sad sad and angry angry angry for the whole day...
it brings me back the memories i have in the past...
those past hurts and memorries...
up to now i m still thinknig how could them do this to me and my brother...
they failed to realise that the hurt that they took is veri minor...
as the midle ppl...
my brother and i r the one that have been hurt twice the much the blow they took...
they took one stab
but my brother n i took 2 stab...
geuss what it happenned 4 time...

well while i m doing my quiet time
i sang the song Amazing...
i felt God Peace in my heart and breathe.
the sadness n anger gone.
as i singing the chorus You're Amazing Never Changing Always With me Enthroned Within my Soul...
i think of all the amazing stuff that God have done and placed in my life...
as i sing further... i sang the song Jesus...
and for the first time ever i felt that the lyrics of the song become real...
n i finally understood why the lyrics got one part put " To wholm will I go
There no one else but You alone"

i m soo glad that todae God did something special in my life.

2007-02-12T00:54:00.000-08:00

aniway...
i m not been veri good these few daes...
strugallling~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ihate the way it realli felt...
its soo painful
its soo depress
its soo horrible its soo scary...

been havin lots of temptation...
but dunnoe why i keep pressin on...
oh man i been in the verge of giving up
but dunnoe why there is something in me dun wan me to let go...
it just held me still... it just keep me comfort... it just understand me...
soo i continue to endure the rain and shine...

whenever i m strugallin...
i always hear the song Find Me At The Cross by ccc band...
its just a voice that keep singing the chorus Hallehlujah..
i m always veri touched veri soft veri glad when i hear this voice that singing this part of the chorus keep repeatin repeatin repeatin...
it always make my heart melt instandtly and make me veri gek xim(in hokkien)

Ahh remember me as i give to you
remember me i sacrisfy to you
remember me Holy One Ever True
a memoriable prayer i offer unto you...

to those ard me who realli realli realli cares abt me...
this is wat i wan to say...
i thank you for standing by my side walkin with me... but i noe that you guys cant realli always be there... therefore i have been keepin myself with alot of things n secrets... i nid to learn to be intependent...thank you guy...

to those ard me who treat me like a hi and bye friend....
this is what i wan to say...
well i noe who r u guys... u no nid to tell me... i have already seen enough...
though i realli appreciate it that you r my friend... i thank you alot.

2007-02-08T06:07:00.000-08:00

well...
today i m badly attacked...
it just totally blew my head off.

thus it makes me depress and i struggaled...
it not nice to struggle.
i m a different person now.
i want to live life with a smile and being friendly instead of showing ppl i m depress.
i m glad that God has helped me over come this struggle while i was doing quiet time.
these few days quiet time has been Glorious.
i can feel the holy spirit veri close to me and it seems that the Holy SPirit anoiting keep coming on and on and on.
i have been led by the spirit to do alot of things.
and truely if i can see it i can get it!
i sought of have a glimpse of the future.

haha!
one of the thing i have been focusing on my quiet time is to lay hands on the wall n really pray for my hse.

i m also veri led by the Holy Spirit to read Zechariah...
indeed i have been reading that book..
while i read there is 4 verse that make me think through alot..
ZECH 3:6-10 NKJV

6 Then the Angel of the LORD admonished Joshua, saying, 7 “Thus says the LORD of hosts: ‘ If you will walk in My ways, And if you will keep My command, Then you shall also judge My house, And likewise have charge of My courts; I will give you places to walk Among these who stand here. 8 ‘ Hear, O Joshua, the high priest, You and your companions who sit before you, For they are a wondrous sign; For behold, I am bringing forth My Servant the BRANCH. 9 For behold, the stone That I have laid before Joshua: Upon the stone are seven eyes. Behold, I will engrave its inscription,’ Says the LORD of hosts, ‘ And I will remove the iniquity of that land in one day. 10 In that day,’ says the LORD of hosts, ‘ Everyone will invite his neighbor Under his vine and under his fig tree.’”

AMPLIFIED

6And the Angel of the Lord [solemnly and earnestly] protested and affirmed to Joshua, saying,
7Thus says the Lord of hosts: If you will walk in My ways and keep My charge, then also you shall rule My house and have charge of My courts, and I will give you access [to My presence] and places to walk among these who stand here.
8Hear now, O Joshua the high priest, you and your colleagues who [usually] sit before you--for they are men who are a sign or omen [types of what is to come]--for behold, I will bring forth My servant the [a]Branch.(A)
9For behold, upon the stone which I have set before Joshua, upon that one stone are seven eyes or facets [the all-embracing providence of God and the sevenfold radiations of the Spirit of God]. Behold, I will carve upon it its inscription, says the Lord of hosts, and I will remove the iniquity and guilt of this land in a single day.(B)
10In that day, says the Lord of hosts, you shall invite each man his neighbor under his own vine and his own fig tree.(C)

The Message
this version the best i think

6-7God's Angel then charged Joshua, "Orders from God-of-the-Angel-Armies: 'If you live the way I tell you and remain obedient in my service, then you'll make the decisions around here and oversee my affairs. And all my attendants standing here will be at your service.
8-9"'Careful, High Priest Joshua—both you and your friends sitting here with you, for your friends are in on this, too! Here's what I'm doing next: I'm introducing my servant Branch. And note this: This stone that I'm placing before Joshua, a single stone with seven eyes'—Decree of God-of-the-Angel-Armies—'I'll engrave with these words: "I'll strip this land of its filthy sin, all at once, in a single day."
10"'At that time, everyone will get along with one another, with friendly visits across the fence, friendly visits on one another's porches.'"

2007-02-04T05:28:00.000-08:00

oh well...
this week i have been going to church...
on fri i went to archery...
n i wan to quit npcc...
i juz hated that cca n i wanted to severe all ties with it...
u noe when Angeline Ang saw me...
she say me runway...
n this two words...
has attack my emotion...
n my heart break...
once the nice teacher who have help me be4 changed to another person...
to me i m indeed veri dissapointed...

after that i went to service...
so as to seek refuge under God
Pastor Ulf tok abt blessing and generation curses on fridae...
the sentence that impacted me the most was
"Who can curse whom God has bless?"
wah this sentence make me into a deep thinking...

oh well...
saturday i went to church again...
i suppose to go on guild outin also on that day but i told my friends i will be late.
i believe saturday is not a coincident its fate that bring me to that service.
n God purposely place guild outin n church for me to choose...
well to those that noe me well
i choose God first...
cos i noe He is the one and onli The truth The Light and The onli Way.
saturdae
its the BEST sermon i ever heard in my entire life...
its abt missions...
n i realli felt veri burden...
the sermon impacted me alot.
i realli place value on it..
during ministry time i stand at my sit there.
and the anoiting is exatly wat i felt when i went up to the alter...
it was then i realise this is not ordinary ministry session...
it is gonna transform life and to bring vision and fire and the mandate of evangelism.
well to me... i m not realli called to be in the mission field...
but i m the sent one too and thus some sort of rather i m a missionary doing the great commission.
when pastor ulf say he wanna lay hands on those that God have speck to them to go on mission feild... to go out to the alter...
i did not went down to the alter...
but when he startes lay hands on ppl was touched by God and i cried...
the service was super anoited that he stand infront of the choir sway his hands towards them and shouted Holy Ghost the entire choir fell by the Glory of God...
u can imagine how powerful it is...
oh well when he end...
pst Kong say he is not satisfied and he said abt the mission field in china...
and this i felt that china is a place that i muz go for missions...
i m juz have a compassion for china.
and pst Kong invited pst Ulf to pray for us and ask those who wan to receive it come to the alter now.
when he said that i dunnoe why...
sort of the holy spirit controlling my body n went to the alter...
as i said juz now when i was at my seat...
the anoiting was juz like being in the front...
and thus when i go to the front...
the anoiting was SOOOOOOOO strong that it was like Heaven on Earth
when i raise my hand n speck in tongues my hands shiver cos of the anoiting...
then pst Ulf start to pray....
when he ended he say Amen
and boom something exploded in the atmosphere...
i well i being struck by a lightning by the holy spirit n my entire body shiever n i fell by the glory of god frm my head to the grd with no one supporting me...
the miracle is i cant feel pain and impact when i fell...
and i heard a voice a still voice toking to me...
i quickly got up cos i m the onli one that fell by the Glory of God after the short prayer made by pst Ulf
and i got a 2nd touch of heaven that day.
it is veri veri strong...
the first time i felt this anoited in my entire christian life...
and now i noe roughly wat i m gonna do in future ^^
i thank the Holy Spirit...
He bring me bak to God
He light up the fire in my heart.
He spoke to me this "Those who hungershall get... it is now your responsibility to keep the fire to keep on burning and burning"
He spoke to me alot of thing...
but this is wat impt...

truely i Thank the Holy Spirit and pst Ulf for the session...

2007-01-30T01:30:00.000-08:00

oh well i m bak in sch T_T
been quite of awkward...
cos of my mark
i have been wearing jacket the whole day in sch this 2 daes
n i m going to wear until all my marks r gone~~!!

todae went to ikea with shuk yee and hazel to have MBS xD
(MBS = Meat Ball Session)
they have meat ball i have salmon fish ^^
then after that i bought the green snake stuff toy for $1.90
cheap hor ^^
after that we went to eeat hotdogs
then xiao jun call me say linus n him come find us lol
then i tell shuk yee
linus wan come n see her ^^
then hor after 5 min xiao jun call me say linus dun dare go find shuk yee LOL
sooo funny
after that we went home
me n shuk yee share cab home ^^
the cab go turn to jurong WTH
but the taxi uncle veri nice
he -$2 frm the total fare cos he went wrong place ^^

oh yar my home work
stack like shyt ok
then hor todae that stupid Ding Chao
go n -2 mark frm my ca cos i never bring book
then i wan negotiate
then hor i win ^^
she never - my mark =p
smart rite me ^^

Abt me... My current situation my personal life

Kay Kay you cant depend on other ppl when yr lao mao bing come bak
you got to yi kao myself and also kao God
i nid to grow stronger n overcome
during the period when i was sick
i totally lost the Holy Spirit out of my life n i m veri sad
though i lost it but i noe He is Still ard me waitin my heart to be fully open
n that day my heart fully open to Him was last saturdae 27.1.07
the day that i noe the truth abt myself n low self esteem...
i do not want to have low self esteem animore
so i responded to a.r Bernard alter call on low self esteem problem...
when i was at the alter...
i felt something that i have not felt a long long long time...
the anoiting was veri veri veri veri veri veri strong~~!!
then a.r bernard start to pray a strong forceful wind blow pass me n i almost fall by the Glory of God...
it is the first time ever no one nid to lay hands on me n i fall...after that i felt the Holy Spirit is bak on my story line again n my whole body shiever n i cried T_T
was veri touched n impacted last saturdae n this piece of memories shall dwell in my mind n life forever and ever and ever to eternerty~~!!
though now i sometime feel intimidated by others...
i keep renew my mind with a.r bernard message
and i dun wan to be the most expensive cd rack ^^
(those frm chc n went last sat service should noe wat i mean ^^ )
well... wat hit me the most was that work man ship in hebrew or greek means poema
in ephesian it means that we r God workmanship...
we r God's poem...
when i look back n retrack my past...
i realise that my poem is all abt a love... a unconditional love that NEVER change
its abt a love of how a father risk Himself n redeem His son...
i m soo glad i knew the truth
it bought me mani thanks and gratitute to God and a.r Bernard~~!!
indeed i thank God n him alot~~!!

2007-01-25T07:09:00.000-08:00

ello all
my chicken pox is more or less ok ler
all dry waiting for them to drop onli
but my mc i might wan toextent to 3 week cos got marks
this stupid marks gonna hai me to put make up when going out
sad rite ...
its gonna be super wat lor...

aniway been soo bored and sad lately...
all stuck at home nothing to do...
been qaurentine the taste is not fun one ok~~!!
oh well
have been confuse lately...
veri veri veri veri confuse...
confuse of alot of thing and afraid of thing...
especially on studies...
todae my uncle come to my hse to visit my grandma...
and he tok soo much one how good my cousin is n make me super...
pissed....
he giving me the feeling he comparing with me wth lah
irritatin
if he wan play i FENG PEI DAO DI...
aniway i m SHEN DONG GUAN DA
i got a variety of information and courses i can take
its my life i will live it well...
no nid he to compare me with my cousin...

oh well that part of the reason y i m angry...
regarding the sad part i dun wanna tok abt it the more i tok the more sad i get...
aniway i kinda miss church...
i m soo excited of going bak cell grp and church this week...
i kinda miss out alot...
in sch i m super outdated abt things happening
and...
my whole class noes wat happen to me...
mondae i step into sch will be super malu lor...

"我要敬拜你主
你恢复我生命
献上我心
成为你的圣所
唯有你耶稣
能得着我的心"

this is the song that mesmorise me for the week...
i juz wanna worship u and say i love you to you over over over over again
for the mani things u have done...
i m veri thankfull
you have redeemed me...
since you have redeemed me i will live well
and continue to pursue my dreams and to over come depression...
truely i got mani thanks to you...

2007-01-18T20:56:00.000-08:00

after lookin at the past week service at home...
i sort of miss it
stupid pox stupid pox stupid pox AHHHH~~!!
hate it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sort of miss church...
keke...
well veeri impress with the new song that delirious write
i seriously like the song Holy You Are Holy
the onli 2 words thattouch me and shook me up and make my hair stand
is the last two word of the chorus...
and that 2 word is......

'Miracle Maker'

that two word bring soo mani instand flash back of gd times and bad times
and i saw how my miracle maker work through it...
i m indeed vveri thankful and grateful.

oh well this few weeks have been bad....
i m nt gonn say how bad cos i got no mood to say how bad is the bad that i want to say how bad is the bad thing.
aniway whoever can understand my abv sentance... u realli can read eng LOL

oh well..
one thing i have been keep doing is
believe believe and keep on believe...
i believeing that breakthrough is coming i m looking forward to it..

"I'm reaching for Ypur heart
Ypu hold my life in Ypur hand
Drawing me closer to You i feel Your power renew
Nothing compares to this place where i can see You face to face
I worship You in spirit and in truth"

2007-01-09T07:21:00.000-08:00

hi all...

sch have reopen i n ZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZ~~~~~~~~~~~

hate sch reopen ZzZ

got soo mani shock of my life when i realise who will be takin our class for lessons...

especially helen chong...
cant believe she the pure bio teacher ZzZ
die ler 3/1 sure fail ler...

oh well todae in sch quite xing nang.
especially eng lesson super funny
got split into grps again haiz...

my grp members are

1)Jun Jie
2)Vrindha
3)Dinah
4)Hoe Sun
5) Yrs tryely and sincerely ME~~!! ^^
6)Serena
7)AMAMDA
8)Ding Hao

durin eng lesson we got a grp work call survivor...
the work goes like this...
imagine it is the end of the world
and you got 8 ppl sharing a undergrd turnel to survive inside for 2 yrs
but...
unfortunately there r limited food supply and 2 of theppl got to be KICKED out
awww....

here is our roles

1)Jun Jie 68 yrs old medical doctor
2)Vrindha 10 yrs old intellegent child
3)Dinah 33 yrs old responsible teacher
4)Hoe Sun 18 yrs old Olympic Gold Medalist
5)yr truelyand sincerely ME 46 yrs old Award wining chef
6)Serena 50 yrs old environmentalist scientist
7)Amamda 40 yrs old priest
8)Ding Hao 32 yrs old Civil Defence Fighter

the funny part is rite we nid to likst down our skill and reason y i should stay.
LOL...
i put i can cook, wash, and clean
and my grp laugh like siao at my skill lol
the best is still Amamda...
she put her skill: Praying, Performing Miracles, Revival, Exocism and etc etc...
we laugh like crazy during the entire session laugh and laugh and laugh LOL
then hor in the end... me amamda and ding hao position r the safest~~~!!!
there is also a joke that with Amada the priest she can pray and make food appear, heal the sick, rise the dead.. LOL

at home...
Haiz super bored too depress to cotinue do hw soo i stopped half way
n i die tml is Jack TUITION OMG~~!!
i accidently heard my grandma complaining to my mum abt me and that make me even sadder
cant she juz tell my mum infront of me??
why muz she tok sooooo much??

Maple:
haiz most of the time i got ignored..
dun realli have much friends in dere...
yst i lucky i tio Kage Ma 101 xD
failed my 60% earing scroll todae ZzZ
and...
and..
and.
most of all........
I M FINALLY LVL 110
HURRRAAAYYY~~!!

2006-12-31T11:00:00.000-08:00

well todae is new year lol
yst sundae i went church
service was great the pressence if great ^^

well when we decide to go ps for fellowship...
then at expo mrt we realise that some ppl left without telling us and makes us soo lost

but dunnoe y in the end all end up in ps kfc
me and jeanette got so pissed offf that we went to kopitiam dere to eat rather then kfc...

stayed at kfc until 4 then i walk with them to city hall then take a mrt back to plaza sing LOL... to meet my dearest beloved guild (TooCuteForU) :

1)Gary
2)Max
3)hua hua
4)Lena
5)Andy
6)Santa
7)Marcus

first time meetin them soo i veri nervous lol

we meet out side pcbunk lol
first time see them i m veri afraid veri scared
they seems like monster that gonna eat me...
this is the first impression they give me
1)Gary the guai kia
2)Max the japanese boi
3)Hua Hua the lady boss
4)Lena the pretty gal
5)Andy the ang mor pai
6)Santa the big guy
7)Marcus the shuai guy

lolx...

well after tht went to burgar king and eat dinner
that is when i m veri quiet and i listen to their conservation. lol

after dinner hor we went to watch movie...
Death Note 2
when we buying the ticket xBB came together with her bf
one think i cant tahan is that she stick with her bf too much ler...
makes me sooo..... freak out lol...
this is when i suddenly got dejavu
after the movie...
the holy spirit speck to me abt something personal...

we went bak to pc bunk...

on our way dere...
i dunnor y i suddenly feels veri veri veri veri veri veri depress...
suddenly tears wanna roll down my eyes...

at pcbunk we decide to go to IRC at penisula...
we play at there maple...
well after tht we went home...
i m so glad that marcus and santa pei me to take mrt towards boon lay direction...
well truely i m so grateful and thankful for the ppl ard me
i m veri glad~~!!

God this is wat i want to sing to you everyday

"I want to sing
Until I am lost in Your love
Till I found in Your pressence
Worshipping Before Your Throne
Move by the spirit
Entering into Your Flow
Howprecious this moment
Lord I wan You to Know"

this 2007 gonna be the best year yet with you ^^

Kay

2006-12-25T08:42:00.000-08:00

its christmas yep yep

lets see wat i felt during this season..

actually...
been bz in church during this season...
last sat after the dramma its the candle light service
and i was touch by God again
and i cried before Him
the candle light was juz too pretty
and i think of the things this year
abt the good times and best time
and was veri touch by the present that ppl give me
this is the first time i receive soo mani present in my entire life
(including b'dae and christmas and thx giving )

i was soo touched that i cried in the present of the most high God.

this is indeed the best christmasi ever had...

Kay
touched and glad.

2006-12-18T08:01:00.000-08:00

well never been better...
in fact i have been worse...

yst i took a veri big step of faith and big cut in my heart...
i emptied my pocket to God
my $80 T.T
71 go to building fund
and 8 go to tithes
and i m left wif one dollar
i been so broke until i sacrisfice like hell...
i still go to the mind cafe with the whole cg
n i did not eat lunch cos i short of cash...

i m so glad that tracy payed for the minds cafe thing for me
and also payed abt 70% of my mac filet o fish meal...
i truely thank God for that~~!!

well last sun during service i was so dissapointed i was feelin veri un appreciated for gettin the 11 sits... i m feel so down n frustrated
in the end went to alpha...
rest of my emotions and wat i feel
i wont type as i dun wan coment on anithing...

well last sun after 1h me tracy and cynthia when out n walk walk
and i begin to ask tracy abt the guy that came back in the cel grp
and my suspect were correct...
and i begining to warn her and speck things to her and explain things
for those member that are awaRE of this thing also
plz silent thx

this is for the new guy that came bak to cg incase u visit my blog...

I DUN CARE WAT IS YR MOTIVE... I DUN CARE WAT IS THE MEANINGOF THIS
BREAK UP AND COME FIND AGAIN? YOU BU YAO LIAN ISZZIT??
LET ME TELL U THIS U WANNA TOUCH THE MEMBER THAT R CONSIDERED UNDER ME U GOT TO GO THROU ME FIRST AND I GARANTEE YOU... YOU WILL ZHONG MA PIAO COS I M GONNA DO ANITHING TO SHEILD MY MEMBERS I M NOT GONNA LET U TOUCH THEM PLZ STAND A DISTAND FROM THEM~~!! I WILL PING MY AUTHORITY I WILL PING MY LIFE TO PROTECT THEM U GET THAT~~!!

aniway i m veri pissed off by him too...
well dun worry for me watever he have i m able to sheild my precious my baobei member

Kay

2006-12-14T08:55:00.000-08:00

oh well thank you guys mun yee, daryl, T.W.S a.k.a bush =.=", dave and heng lun for going out with me todae!! i will always remember this outin in my head!! THANK FOR PEI ME!!

well guys...
holiday is not fun either...
though i wish to have holiday that badly...
during holiday i got nth to do
stay at home
bored to death
and depress...
totally nth to do..
my self esteem is gettin worse...
and i m equally as stress as normal sch days...
holiday still got hw haiz...
give me additional stress onli...

well christmas is near!!
where do u guys wan celebrate??
plz tell me k i wan go T.T

well it isnt for the same old me...
soooo bored so untidy so this so that...
i m glad i going malaysia 31st dec to 2nd january..
Be at genting on 31st dec to 1st jan then at KL 1st jan to 2 jan
well i miss KL alot
i miss the food that i eat there T.T
especially the road side stall at jalan bukit bintang T.T
i also miss the char siew rice and the hokkien mee T.T
haiz sad to say my father not driving...
i hope that he drive no nid take coash ZzZ

well...
i m still in the hse of the Lord
still dere crying out and seeking
still dere wondering and thinking
still dere withnessing situation
still dere being love
still dere being with God
still dere being healed
still dere
and
still dere
and
still dere
.
.
.

well thank for going out with me!!
this is a veri meaningful outing i have
thank thank thank
millions of thank....

well...
i m still equally as horrible and as depress and as tired...
i truely thank God for ppl ard me..

Kay

2006-12-09T08:35:00.000-08:00

oh well this is my little chat with God during 10 Dec 06 00:00-00:36 which is when i decide to blog it down...

"Oh God yr love is beautiful. I wan you I wan you I wan you... If it wasnt for you i already have been dead. Oh God you know all things you know wat i nid you noe wat i m going through... oh God i do not desire for anithing except for you...i juz wan YOU YOU YOU thats all i nid in my life... everything is not important i juz wan you! God even though how messup this year have been... you are always wit me... this year is ful of hurts sadness and pains... i m glad that you are in my life i m glad that i m not alone... i m glad god you ARE HERE... well sometime i see my life meaningless and wanted to end it but You keep drawing me nearer during those period and You told me i m precious in yr sight... this is why i m still here todae... lord your love is beautiful~~!!
i will always remember how you touch me i will always remember the love the joy the peace the healing it bring me you are veri close to me lord during those touch frm you... it is you God You who teach me how to love You who love me first.. i wanna be wif you you are closer to me then the air ard me it is you who taught me to love... no matter wat happen i will persevere to the end i will press on i willtrust you. nothing can seperate us apart now all i wan to say to You is I LOVE YOU..."

I wan to sing until I m lost in Your Love Till I am found in Your pressence worshiping before your throne Moved by the Spirit entering into your flow How precious this moment Lord i wan you to know...

thats all i desire now... thats all i wan... my one and onli true heavenly daddy i juz wanna be wif in forever... He is always by my side...

friends there are alot of things happen to me this year... even those who are vericlose to me like sheryl dun even noe of it... but i keep pressing off i keep enduring i keep walking...

if it wasnt for the touch of God i would have been dead Last year Oct...
though i m still havin depression... at least i noe He is walkin wif me

Kay

2006-12-06T04:57:00.000-08:00

oh well daryl plz quickly organise...
i veri bored oready...
gt guo yi timo shaun heng lun dave they all leh
n also try get boss ( si min )...
aniway organise ler tell me..
i will pull linus and javis along...
i will make sure they come out xD

oh well...
i got nth to say abt for my past feel days...
been veri down...
oh well...

that is me for the day...

oh God the song first will always play in my life and heart forever...
it is you who have redeem me it is u have deliver me...
if it wasnt for u i wont be where i m todae...
i would have been dead if i have not known u...
it is you who teach me how to love...
i thank you...

and i will dweelll in yr hse forevermore...

Kay

2006-12-04T09:40:00.000-08:00

oh well...
althought this week i feel much better...
but i m still abit dull and low...

n i juz realise the onli way for me to stop thinking abt it is to go out...
but to ppl like me with low self esteem....
going out is a big challendge to me...
it makes me feel that i m the black sheep of singapore...
it makes me feel so bad abt myself...
it makes me feel bad abt mt image
it makes me feel bad thats all...

although going out with friends
seems to be a memorial experience...
but...
no body is willing to go out with me...
that mkes me so stuck at home...
aniway i will never go out alone...
i will be veri atk...

came to think abt it...
when i go out with my friends...
if we keep delay time and keep extending the time we hab together...
the extended time really means alot to me...
seriously...
well...
regardin my messy look and long hair (currently)
not that i did not comb is i comb and blow wind blod =.-" then become sooooooooo...
and also not that i dun wan to go and cut...
is that i run out of cash and i dun wanna ask frm my parents...
but...
i m saving up for my hair cut and dying of my hair...

oh well...
this is me...

"I love becos' you first love me I live becos'of wat you give. You died to show me how to live.
Your mercy taught me toforgive. You came and poor yourslf so free. Your blood wash away my strains. And now I canlive again. I more of you and less of me. My first love forever you will be. My first breathe your the live in me. My first joy the world can never take frm me. My covenent with you Jesus"

"Your love falls down. Your love falls down. Your love falls down over me"

i will always remember this song...
the healing it brings to me... thelove of God it brings to me the joy and the peace it bring to me...

truely... Oh God i noe where r u... i noe You are always with me...

Kay

2006-11-28T06:20:00.000-08:00

hi peeps i m back frm beijing~~~~~~~~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
aww i love that place...
aniway my parent say if next year my result good i going there stay 1 mth yea

well been horrible and depress...
couldnt deny it...
but...
after last week serivice...
i resume quiet time yesterdae...
and it was great...
although i still feelin depress...
but the heavyness is gettin lighter ^^

got this revelation...
that God cares...

"His throne is a throne of grace, not a throne of judgement. His throne is a throne of giving. and one attitude is required: an attitude of faith that believes that Dod is, God can, and that He loves you enough; so much so that, according to His will, He will do it."

isnt this magnificent ^^
well...
i hope that i will go out of depression soon ^^
oh well the happy me today

sign off...
KAY
: D : D : D : D : D : D : D : D : D : D : D : D : D : D : D : D : D : D : D : D : D : D : D : D : D : D : D : D : D : D : D : D : D

2006-11-07T00:11:00.000-08:00

couldnt deny i m veri veri down and negative....
been habing mood swing...
so far in gam onli Gary can tahan my attitude...
real life onli Sheryl can tahan mine attitude...
well this week startin of building fund...
isnt it great?
YEEEAAAA!!!
lol

aniway i reach lvl 109 oready =.="
lol
maple maple maple
nth to do
no body jio me go out haiz...
and also yesterdae i died at zakrum body 1 =.="
ZzZ fist time zakrum...
see the body atk i wow and forget press pot...
sweat!!

well
been habing serious mood swing =.="
swing until veri badly haiz...

this is the question i always ask...
GOD where are you...
I noe u r always here..
but...
why?
SOOOOO near and yet SOO FFFFFFFFAAAAAAAARRRRRR~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

well
still wondering....
think i should go prayer meetin lata...
seriously my sickness hab once again returned to me...

Kay was here
answer me plz.....™

2006-10-30T08:54:00.000-08:00

well could not deny that i m sad and down this week...
been so terrible...
in the midst if giving up...
could not find understanding...
i juz sometime wonder...
why m i so NEAR to God and yet so FFFFAAAAAAARRRRRR~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
rather dissapointing....
its juz.... haiz how to say it...
at night i couldnt get enof rest though i sleep for 10h+...
always got weirld dreams...
those super weirld... one

seriously i m rather pissed...
i m rather depress...
i m havin a bad cough and running nose...

its totally why i m here to face this...
i noe the answer... but i always ask this question...
i got a third eye n thats great...
i can see things...
well guess u guys readin this post dun believe ba
but the truth is i got third eyes...
how m i gonna survive...

somewhere over the rainbow
where the real tresure layS

Kay~~

2006-10-23T00:26:00.000-07:00

HI ALL~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

me veri long never blog cos of exam X~X
lol~~~
been veri stress up and tired durin the exam period...
i cried 1h on the phone when i tokin to someone....
haiz...
same old me... emotional~~~
well...
now everything is over...
but i m still confuse...
oh no kay u gotto be strong!!!

veri pissed off with some ppl last sat...
JUZ TOO BAD MY LOVE LANGUAGE IS QUALITY TIME!!!
PLZ DONT IGNORE ME WILL U GUYS???
I M SERIOUSLY WOUNDED WITH THIS...
LAST MON I GOT ENOF HURT FRM A SMS...
WHY WHY?!
JUZ CANT U GUYZ PAY ATTENTION TO ME?!
IT HURTS ME EVEN MORE WHEN I SHARE THIS TO SOMEONE ELSE AND THAT GUY SAY IS MY FAULT...
JUZ WAT DID I DO?!
IT MAKES ME FEEL NO ONE UNDERSTAND ME?!
I DUN NID SOLUTION...
I JUZ NID UNDERSTANDING!!

haiz it in capital letter cos to catch attention...
dun blame me...
am veri frustrated...
this blog is the onli thing i can shout and scold too...
well my blog so innocent :x

2006-08-27T07:16:00.000-07:00

well today is sundae...
a day with full of excitement and adventure and meaning
to a day of sadness dissapointment anger and irritating ness

after service when sis min fong tok to me i literally cried...
cant believe i and micah got left at expo...
was veri stressed up
still thinking... how m i gonna walk through...
saying abt this... the situation of me in emerge conference replayed in my mind...
last year october was abt to suicide....
God touch me and i cried like some ghost at the 15 floor...
this year march was veri touch and i cried again...
and this year emerge conference... i walk out of the entire world and stand in the gap...
was touch by God love even powerful even even powerful i was crying alll way long...
past 2 week ago cchurch sing the song first...

the chorus
My First Love Forever you will be
My First Breathe You the life in me
My First Joy The world can never take from me
My Covernent
With You Jesus

i was crying all the way when they first sing this song
and was touch and touch and was feeling loved
and was feeling a healing that is taking place in me
it was the best feeling i got crying my hearts out...

How i wish to be touch by God again and again...
i m breaking down...
the every word i type hhere is followed by every tear that came out of my eyes...

i will always remember
He is always with me no matter what...
He is always at the same place as me...
Its juz a matter for me to learn and crucify myself on the cross

2006-08-21T08:35:00.002-07:00

well yesterdae sunday went to church!!!
sad to say my parents at LA
no body send me there T.T
got to go myself and my brother pissed me off...
one thing i noe was i veri pissed off that day...
one thing is the seats.... dun tok abt it....
another thing my maid lost in the hall and i started like shouting at ppl...
thank god for fabian that can tolerate me...
well thank god FOR TRACY!!!
she went with me to find her... well she cool me down...
facing financial problems
and also was veri dissapointed and my heart literally break...
so sian i muz say...
maybe is i veri tired ba...
reach hse got to study for that crazy A maths topic sets and notation...
funny thing i onli sec 2...
lol...

MONDAY WHICH IS TODAY

maths common test on quadratic graph and sets and notation...
was alright...
but the sets and notation all wrong which make me almost cried and also that bonus question...
and my teacher said something that i almost broke down...
..."the sets and notation and bonus question is to gauge wheather you are A maths material"...
i was broke...
and also D&T make me so frustrated sia...
that projeect...
anyway was doing veri good
never say vulgarities for the past 1 month ler and i m doing kristo kai kosmo ~~
aniway got to noe a new friend at msn lol
well doing skid... sian grand ma nagging me i go sleep sayonara

2006-08-21T08:35:00.001-07:00

2006-08-14T07:18:00.000-07:00

Sunday went to church.

feeling extremely sad and dissapointed
was tearing already ever since praise...
they sing a new worship love call My First Love written by caesy
i love the song...
its veri touching been tearing alot ever since they sing the worship song
when reach thebridge i remember sheryl yesterday say
..."when you are sad, Jesus feel your heartbreak"...
and i started to cry my heart out...
been crying and crying and crying...
the atmosphere is just too touching...
as i m typing it down my eyes are wet as i think abt the pressence on sunday...
i like the song chorus part...
after service went to simei and attend some course on how to study better.
well the course is veri helpful...

Monday which is today

step into class and wanted to cry
too dissapointed and sad
got said by javis...
and got back my bio test which i expected good grades in the end i m dissapointed like dunnoe wat...
now even as i m typing this i m feeling sad and dissapointed
well if he like that let them be
STEREOTYPE!!
anyway wont be affected...
i pray that i would be able to take the blow tml...
i would pray hard that i wont be defeated man.
i gonna be strong
God help me
i believe in you
because...

Verse 1)
你呼召我跟从
而我将一切放在你手中
唯有你是我所求

(Verse 2)
主你国度彰显
在我心中建立到永远
耶稣我生命属于你

(Chorus) 献上我心
我愿用一切换你所有
你大能运行
主你天上国度降临
献上我心
愿为真光照亮虚空
改变我们的世界
降下你圣灵降下你复兴

(Bridge)
献上一切换你所有圣灵点燃我心
献上一切换你所有你是我心渴慕

i will remember your greatness and goodness...
GOD!! I CRY OUT TO YOU!!

Kay

2006-08-10T01:23:00.000-07:00

This is the day that the Lord has made. I will rejoice and i will be glad in it.
Amen

No Matter how bad things may turn out to be, juz remember that theere is someone always by yrside who love you so much that he doesnt want to let you go. And the someone is Jesus Christ.

He has proven his love for me over and over again and he has never let me go before.
He is always by myside no matter what happen.
He is always there for you
He is Faithful.
He is Magnificent, Eternally, Wonderful, Glorious, No ONE ever will compare To Him Jesus.
He is good all the time
He is knocking at yr heart
He is talking to you
He died for YOU!!
He is your deliverer.

I will always sing of his greatness goodness and mercy and grace.
All i can say to Him is thanks thanks and thanks.

SONG DEDICATION!!

DWELLING PLACES By: HILLSONG

LOVELY ARE YOUR DWELLING PLACES
THIRSTY I COME AFTER YOU
JESUS MY JOY MY REWARD
YOUR LOVE RESTORING MY SOUL
NOW I'M YOURS AND YOU ARE MINE
AND FROM MY HEART A SONG WILL RISE

I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU
I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU
I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU
AND MY HEART WILL FOLLOW WHOLELY AFTER YOU

JESUS THERE IS NONE BESIDE YOU
RIGHTEOUS RULER OF THE EARTH
NATION WILL COME AND BOW DOWN
NAME OVER ALL NAME I SING YOU PRAISES
AND ALL THAT I CAN SAY TO YOU IS

I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU
I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU
I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU
AND MY HEART WILL FOLLOW WHOLELY AFTER YOU

THROUGH IT ALL By:HILLSONG

YOU ARE FOREVER IN MY LIFE
YOU SEE ME THROUGH THE SEASON
COVER ME WITH YOUR HAND
AND LEAD ME IN YOUR RIGHTEOUSNESS
AND I LOOK TO YOU
AND I WAIT ON YOU

I SING TO YOU LORD A HYMN OF LOVE
FOR YOUR FAITHFULNESS TO ME
I AM CARRIED IN EVALASTING ARMS
YOU NEVERLET ME GO THROUGHT IT ALL

HALLELUJAH, HALEELUJAH, HALLELUJAH

these song are rather old but meaningful to me...

of well yesterday got barbeque at william hse
muz say i rather irritated by the guy call Jian Zhong...
if i really cant tahan anymore he is gonna expect flying chacoal on him
oh well i vri pissed off by him...
well lets see the friend that came i onli noe Zoey, Yuru, Yanting
that all...
oh well facing alot of things yesterdae
lol but i m ok
when to one corner and think of God goodness
sing mani praise and worship song
then jeanette came and join me
and as i was singing...
i cried by the pool side and wat worse was jeanette saw me...
lol abit embarrass
well the bbq was great although got some people that totally pissed me out and some ppl show me attitue which i can understand.
but maybe i should learn to be a better communicator...
after bbq jeanette me xindi sherwayne went forum mac to have a drink until ard 12 midnite and we say happy birthday to jeanette lol
i hope jeanette would be fine ba.
well muz say one more thing...
xindi got ostracised by the Jian Zhong...
the jian zhong count himself lucky..
xindi change alot
or not jian zhong gonna get hell frm her
wat will happen is for you guys to imagine lol
anyway orchard at night is definetly not the place to go...
believe i saw alot of gang and offseen things there well nvm

love the holidaes!!
Kay...
Sign Off: Kingdom Of God

2006-07-26T05:48:00.000-07:00

WELL!! i dunnoe wat to say liao le...

all i can say is walk by faith and hope...

jere 29:11
For I Know The Thoughts Towards You Says The Lord. Thoughts Of Peace But Not Of Evil To Give You A Future And A Hope.

surviving on this...

i m afraid for all my test i having..
veri stressed up when i think abt test
always cry when i got a test...
but the miracle is i fair rather well for my test...
tml is maths test...
how m i gonna survive...
i m afraid...
i m lost...
i m down...
i m dissapointed...

God!! I Juz WANNA RUN INTO YR ARMS AGAIN AND AGAIN!!
I JUZ WANNA DO THAT AGAIN AND AGAIN...
FOR ETERNATY...
I FELT YR LOVE...
I SAW THE DREAMS
I SAW YR WORKS
I SAW THE GOODNESS U R DOING...

i do not noe what to say...
i juz feel like crying everyday...
why did i put up such a strong front while in me is veri vulnerable...
why why tell me why...

almost got caaned today...
at least i clear my chinese work...
literature dame detention...

anyway i gonna endure to the end...
endurance is the topic this week for the big event on sun for me...
got a strog feeling i gonna e delivered...
dun be surprise i manifest...

I juz hope cheryl tan will stay out of my affairs
and the cca stuff still strugaling if never handle properly...
i nid to see principal liao...

friday who is willing to go out with me to shan shan xing?
guess no one
and i m left alone by the streets
and be a loner...
nvm at least i still got God who is faithful to me and never let me go...
i gonna cleave onto him!!

Kay...

2006-07-18T05:27:00.000-07:00

BAD DAY BAD DAY!!!

Haate today lah...

stupid maths test make me so frustrated...

i wan tear my maths test paper infront of the stupid nie teacher who is taking over mr loo

but think of mr loo kindness i did not tear...

i tear away anypaper i see

entire maths period all i do was tearing paper...

as usual that ass javis will disturb me

and i replied him, "its non of your concern ok"

walan eh....

this morning got summond to field again... haiz...

today i pon teng alot of things...

first is maths next is eng xtra lesson and last is cca

dame pathetic...

seriosly i m burning now...

all i ask...

i m sick of decieving myself...

anyway i m veri irritated by my cca stuff
dun worry i think of the best solution liao
i juz quit cca and join another one instend of transfering to another sch
for the friends wise i try ba
i think that that the best way out man

You look so beautiful when you smile
your eyes are like the stars in the sky always watery and shinny
your hands are warm and you are always there
but yet its not the time
i m sry

2006-07-17T02:50:00.000-07:00

SaWatDii Krap =p

Today in sch soso lah onli the bloddy DnT teacher pissed me off ZzZ...

Keep On Tok CRASP!! ROARR~~!!

Then recess with upper sec again ROARR!! hate it...

No space sit in the end found a place...

Then rite One of the Ah beng in sch come to sit with me lol...

totally WTH~~!!

anyway we never talk...

then after that my friend decided to move so... ok lah...

then also the roy class got one person say hi to me... lol...

was saying in my mind... do i noe him?

anyway i hate having recess with upper sec...

recess over... RING! RING!

then my class dun wan go hall assemble so go back class...

we made the whole upper sec to wait for us and when prefect call us we happily walk to hall in a grp slacking and talking lol AHAHAHA!!

Then susan wong lesson the pelwinder made me laugh...

say wat susan wong got no money wear clothes... that why she wear curtain...

homemade...

then nirmal added...

susan wong no money buy clothes but got money buy curtain
and yearness mother tongues last period of the day...

during chinese 2/4 and 2/1[my class onli Me Linus KuKu Daryl Dave Wei Peng and Bryan in 2/4 mothertongue class ]

The justin lol... lead the camp cheer which goes something like this

...lets break it down now...
...3 times...
whole class followed
but at the last part the left clap right clap teacher infront of him and no body clapping onli he clapping...

then when he done he shoutes Yea and raise his hand with his tumb out infront of teacher face

lol super funny...

then the wei peng also...

Linus sit next to me and wei peng sit diagonally across us...

he trying to spray water at linus so every body that ard all siam then teacher dunnoe wat happen so she came...
then wei peng pour water at linus...
SPPPRRRAAASSSHH!!!
Kana Linus abit but teacher all wet
lol... my mother tongue class is crazy...

the ding hao also the the chair the coating out and irritate teacher...
then teacher came and want confiscate...
then he put it inbetween his legs and holding it...
then teacher came pulling it AHAHAHA!!! and i shouted so loud
Lao Shi Bu Yao Luan LA Horr... Deng yi Xia La Zhou Zhe Me Ban lol...
sibei funny lor...
as usual bell ring we 2/1 student dunwan greet teacher...
and we ran out of class but failed teacher looking
then wei peng got called infront cos he spray water and dave got caught...
then me and kuku walk out of class with Sano lol
Then Dave came out happily walking out the class and shouted Bye Bye Lao Shi!! lol
i totally laugh till peng lor... today is really sibei funny lor AHAHA XD

2006-07-16T02:14:00.000-07:00

Frustrated Frustrated Frustrated...

Wth........................................................

I got a thing to ask now...

Why The cell group is so disorganize?

Why Why Tell Me Why

sibei jia lat leh...

split until like that...

let see...

wye fu every time dun wan go mac...

then gimbit abit strange one...

yu rong and hui min... i got nothing to say...

jon... everytime put up a strong front...

william leh... like veri weirld like that and like he got alot of problems also

jeanette leh... not much to comment...

sheryl leh... not much to comment...

haiz i miss the good old days when all the cell group member is so organize...

go out together do alot of stuff...

sat they go east coast park and onli 6 ppl turn up...

aniway i dunwan go east coast... too mani memory there especially at the jetty there where the things happen...

well today leh...

go bugis...

again disorganize...

some go dunnoe where some want go bugis junction eat... some at expo... some at the hawker eat...

anyway mai bgen rai...

Hoping next week wont be so frustrated man...

I wan the good old days to be back

But it seems impposible...

i wanna see all of u as a whole again...

too mani things has happened...

maybe i should transfer out...

but wat the use...

maybe it will be worse man...

i know too much things that i arnt suppose to noe

why does this things appear to me supernaturally

maybe i m physchic

regards

2006-07-14T03:04:00.000-07:00

Well what can i say leh...

Try to be happie ^^

Grr... Stupid Linus talk to me some lame things during chinese test...

He Say, "If you Jump From 100 floor..., this will how u will be like...

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Take a deep breathe... then

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Then take another deep breathe
[Last breathe]

AND THEN!!

ZzzZzZ..."

so lame make me start my lorbang liao...

somemore that time sec one doing music lesson then got alot weirld noices

hihi hohoho...

I LAUGHED throughout the entire test...

As usual teacher never ask us seperate table...

As usual i copy out everything frm Ci Yu Shou Ce

lol...

Wei i veri guai der ok...

Anyway was veri fed up...

As usual i went to roof top and seek some answer...

And then Yan Ting say something that struct me like a thunderbolt...

She say something like this... [could not really remember] "Maybe You should change sch."

Anyway my beloved friend Guo Yi got no objection so i guess i will think it through ba

I GOT 6 MTHS TO THINK LOR!!!

MORE THEN ENOF!!

Jeremiah 29:11 [Amplified Version]

11For I know the thoughts and plans that I have for you, says the Lord, thoughts and plans for welfare and peace and not for evil, to give you hope in your final outcome.

ROX LEH THIS VERSE

well i wrote this entry with my smile ^^ truely guys be happie ok

cos that the onli way for me to feel the joy...

for me to smile

help me i m now climbing out the pit hole of deppresioon i dunwanna fall back in the hole again...

Plz can...

Btw I LEARNING THAI!!! AHAHAHAHA

Sa-Baai Dii Krap ^^
Kun Har Arai wahahaha

I IMPROVE ALOT SEH

MY CUTE DOGGY!!!

Miss The Good Old Days When We Were Together...

If Time could be rewind...

It would be great...

Truely i wanna see you guys again...

My friends smile ok...

Especially you JH

You are the one who crack jokes and make all of us laugh...

Smile ok...

Take care...

Korp Khun Krap
Kok Kan Mai La Krap
Dai Ying Jing Kun oo-k Mai?

Regards
Kevin Kay Kenny Dean Goh Wu Ji En Wu Di En

2006-07-11T07:00:00.000-07:00

AHHH!!!

I cant take it any more

My head gonna burst

I gonna go mad

why must such thing fall upon me

why why tell me why

[thai version] tan mai tan mai TAN MAI

oh my goodness i feel like giving up

why m i still holding on

anyway i suffer frm deppression...

waiting for the some person to bring me go IMH

wat to do leh

that me

mylife

i wont
end
it guys

i got alot of things to do ok...

juz hope my friends u will not fall under deppression

been gazing out of my hse recently

this is wat i see
cool rite if one day i would jump down from here
choy i still want to live ok

I shall learn to Dai yin jing

[ take it ez]

By the way guys this my name

Kevin Kay Kenny Dean Goh Wu Ji En Wu Di En

2006-07-10T01:30:00.000-07:00

WHAT ARE THE SYMPTOMS OF DEPRESSION?The following are the most common symptoms of depression. If you experience 5 or more of these symptoms for 2 weeks or longer, you are probably depressed.

-Persistent sadness or feeling down or gloomy. [ I Have ]

-A loss of interest in activities previously enjoyed, such as socializing with friends and family,
most of the day, nearly every day. [ Lost Interest in computer games]

-Loss of appetite and loss of weight.

-Insomnia. For some people on the contrary, they find that they are sleeping more than normal.
[I HAVE No MATTER HOW LONG I SLEEP I ALWAYS TIRED]

-Feeling restless and agitated more easily. [ I HAVE ]

-Feeling tired and having little energy. [ I HAVE]

Unable to concentrate and think clearly and thereby becoming indecisive.

Feeling of worthlessness and quilt [ I HAVE ]

Recurrent thoughts of death HOW COMMON IS DEPRESSION?Depression has been called the
“common cold of mental health problem”. The World Health Organization (WHO) recently ranked depression as the leading cause of morbidity in developing nations in the next century. Lifetime occurrence rate is between 3% to 6%, and it is twice as common in women as it is in men. It commonly begin in people aged between 20 and 40 years, although it can occur in children or older people. Research has shown that it is commoner in people with a family history of depression.
YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME? The common misconception is that depression is a moral weakness or a character flaw. Many a time, people have told depressed people to just ‘snap out of it’. Depression is a medical illness with biological roots. It cannot be wiled or wished away.
WHAT ARE THE CAUSES OF DEPRESSION?Some types of depression run in families, indicating hereditary or genetic factors. In some families, major depression seems to occur generation after generation.
Studies have also suggested some biological component in depression. It may be associated with having too little or too much chemical in the brain. Certain medications have mood altering properties. Antidepressant medication act by altering and normalizing the biochemical imbalances in the brain.
Life events such as loss of job, retirement, divorce, death of a loved one or moving to a new house can precipitate a depressive illness. Social circumstances also play a part. If we are alone, have few or no friends, suffer from a chronic illness, them we may be more vulnerable to depression.
People with life threatening or long-term physical illness such as cancer, stroke, arthritis or heart disease are also more vulnerable to depression.
Personality may also play a part in depression. Some of us are more vulnerable than others because of the individual make-up or early life experiences.
Every often, a combination of genetic, psychological and environmental factors is involved in the onset of depression.
The good news is that whatever the cause, depression is treatable.
HOW CAN DEPRESSION BE TREATED?Treatment consists of drug (antidepressant medication) and non-drug therapy. Usually a combined treatment is best: medication to gain relatively quick relief and psychotherapy to learn more effective ways to deal with life stresses.

Imformation addapted from Institude Of Mental Health, WoodBridge Hospital

2006-07-09T03:16:00.000-07:00

wahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Guess What I becoming Normal again ahahaha

Javis And Linus And Si Min And Mun Yee And GuO Yi

You guys watch out

My insanity IS BAK!!

WAHAHAHAHA!!!

Anyway now my life...

Aiyo strugalling

Got Atk In EVERYWAY

But I kept enduring well lets hope I will get out of this situation

Still As deppress...

Dunnoe why i Still can put UP a STRONG front and smile

Aniway Let say that even i m depress cant smile

You Guys My FRIENDS keepSMILING OK!!!

Dun Give me regrets T.T....

Don't worry Guys I won't do anithing foolish

Least I will keep myself alive...

Juz Smile ok!!

Well I still feel Like Dieing

No worries i will endure through this time...

For He had PAYED for MY LIFE!!

He had Gone Before ME

NOW I WALk BY HIS SIDE

I WILL LIFT MY HANDS TO HIM!!!

Anyway i trying veri hard...

Guess what friends...?...

I AM BRUSHING UP ON MY THAI WAHAHAHA

I MASTERED MY NUMBERS

1 -Neng
2 -Song
3 -Sam
4 -Si
5 -Ha
6 -Hork
7 -Jiat
8 -Pek
9 -Kao
10-Sip

Hundred - Loy
Thousand- Pan

450- Si Loy Ha Sip AHAHAHA

aniway i still brushing up on my thai

I M GONNA GO BACK TO MY SECOND HOME!! BANGKOK!!

2006-07-07T15:17:00.000-07:00

One Thing I Muz Say About The Camp...

On 1st July 2006, My Birthday, I Made A Wish...

I Wish That People Around Me Will Smile...

In The Camp This Wish Of My Came To pass...

Despite That The Group Consist Of Different Class...

I Dunnoe Why Every One Smile Alot...

Regardless Of Being Scolded...

Regardless of being sad...

This Camp Made Me Smile And Feel Happy

Actually, This Is What I Prayed about...

Cry From My Heart, " Oh God, If I Would Have One Wish...

I Wan People Around Me To Smile No Matter What Happen To Them...

Truely It Is Known That Life Have Ups And Downs.

But Regardless Of This Theory...

I Just Wanna See People Smiling No Matter What They Are Facing...

Even If I Would Have To Sacrisfy My Life...

I AM WILLING!! FOR THE SAKE OF MY FRIENDS

I NOT AFRAID OF BEING OSTRACISED AGAIN...

AS LONG I SEE A SMILE ON THEIR FACE I AM HAPPY ENOUGH!!!

EVEN IF I WOULD DIE!!!

I WILL HAVE NO REGRETS FOR I KNOW THAT THEY WILL SMILE

I DO NOT HAVE TO WORRY FOR THEM..."

THE CRY OF MY HEART...
Regards Kay

This Is All I Ask Friends... Just Smile
You Guys Look Gorgeous When You Guys Smile
Keep Smiling
I Agree Life Got Ups And Downs But No Matter What Promise Me That You Guys Will Smile

Friends Who Are Reading This Entries
Would You Help Me To Fulfil My Birthday Wish?
That Will Be The Best Birthday Present You Can Give Me...

[ Entry was wrriten with all my heart ]

2006-07-04T15:58:00.000-07:00

Rain Down Your Power
Saviour I nedd You Near'

My Jesus I call your name
You broken for all my pain
My healer you touch my world
By Your stripes I Whole again
And I place all my trust in you
And I place all my hope in you

Juz wanna say friends...

No matter wat you gone through there is a God that Knows All things.
Dun be deceive by the devil or there is gonna be a high price to pay.
I have payed that price and it is veri heavy
I do Not WAN anione to pay the price too
All I Juz Ask Friends Is That no matter what i am able to see a smile on your face
Even if I were to die I will have no regrets
Oh! My friends would you guys help me to smile
And also i am able to see a smile on your face regardless of what you are going true
Plz SMILE ^^

AWW STUPID CAMP
WTH FROm TODAY UNTIL FRI
CAN I DUN GO I FEEL LIKE PON TENG AGAIN
HAIZ BO BIAN

2006-07-04T00:05:00.000-07:00

Isaiah 43:1
1BUT NOW [in spite of past judgments for Israel's sins], thus says the Lord, He Who created you, O Jacob, and He Who formed you, O Israel: Fear not, for I have redeemed you [ransomed you by paying a price instead of leaving you captives]; I have called you by your name; you are Mine. (Amplified Version)

2006-07-03T15:50:00.000-07:00

Firstly, when i Fall by The Glory of God, He told Me This...

I called You by Your name ; You are Mine...

I cried and cried and cried and cried...

You can never imagine the feeling when u stand infront

The pressense of God can make mie cry badly oready

Its realli veri strong You can even felt the anoiting walking by you

Usually i will feel abit weak and slowly fall but Sunday 2nd July 2006 I fall immediately and cry.

BTW 1st July 2006 MY BIRTHDAY!!

kana sabo...
WTH I AM BEING FORCE TO EAT THAT!!! STUPID RITE

2006-06-12T06:20:00.000-07:00

oH wat can i do now..

I think the worse have came...

Kana atk in watever area the one can find...

I felt tat depression may came over mie again...

It gone even worse as it made mie cry every nite...

WTH...

I am feeling alone, left out, abit depress and kana atk like siao

2006-06-11T05:17:00.000-07:00

Is it the atmosphere or it is juz mie

I f33l abit l0nely...

2006-06-09T04:13:00.000-07:00

AwWw todae quiet time God told mie this verse
Heb 12:1-2
1Therefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us,
2Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.

When you are weak I am strong . I am your feet when you cant move on. I am the light in the dark. I am the whisper inside your heart, calling.. calling.. to you to draw close to you. Do not give up, keep running. Do not turn your back from me.For I am at the finishing line waiting for you, cheering for you.When you fall, pick your self up. Do not stop running. Keep running to me. For I am at the finishing line cheering for you.I have see you through the obstacle you met in the race. Its gonna be hard.Don't give up. For I am there Your God who have seen you through

SayS the spirit of God

2006-06-08T21:02:00.000-07:00

Hi all...

I am now fully awaken from the long sleep in the darkness...
Well want to see my past u may go to..
http://kayisdead.blogspot.com

But right if u wan to noe what i m trying to say i suggest you go to visit that blog awhile lor

For my condition..
-Low self esteem
I am gonna to socialize more..
With power of God will overcome this problem

-My thinking
DANGERIOUS to play with your thinking it could lead to total distruction
Think positive now
Indeed the mind is the greatest battle field
Dun believe har..
How did World War II started?
By the human mind rite?

-My emotion
DANGERIOUS to play with your emotion too
Dun play wif emotion it could lead to distruction also

-Depress_ _ _
Muz be happie dun think sad
With His power i think i can overcome it

-Suicider
CHOY i dunwanna die
Now i wont think of ending my life oready

-Craziness & Split Personality
Aiyo i try not to be like that
But realli i feel that sometime i m another person
But rite i think i m abit sot now

-Sexual orientat _ _ _
Aiyo this part i will stop thinking of metrosexuality
I will be straight no matter wat
I will cling onto all that You say
In You, you will be there to strengthen mie
Overcome this part of my life
Truly You are the God who will save

Well my thinking is completely change

Aww yesterdae quiet time is my 4th time being touch by God
Feel so good
I m glad that my Darkness is turn into Day
When You gave Your all away

I do hope that i will be strong
Its been a miracle for me still holding onto God for 6 Full MONTHS
For 6 months haiz dun tok abt it ler

I have seen my raiineb0w
Kay was here

2006-06-08T08:27:00.000-07:00

My 3 favourite SoNgS

God above You hold my world
I see in You my life unfold
Your face that shine this path of mine
With You I walk my friend n guide

Oh What can I do to seal
This union I have with

You, You are the God who will save
Cling on to all that You say
And for always
You, Covered my life with You Grace
Darkness You turn into day
When You gave Your all away

Glory (X3)
Glory to the King

Next....

When my world was in darkness
You spoke Your word night turn into day
You beauty fill This place
When my world stood in silence
You fill my heart with song that never end

To think that the universe
Could not with hold your Glory
You choose to live in me
I'm so amazed

And I worship You Lord
My life in You restore
Here is my heart
Make it your santuary
For nobody else
But Jesus only You

You are Faithful and True
Glorious Lord
All my life it is You I adore
You touch my soul
Completed my world
I surrender to You

The Third One...

You call us to follow
And we take all we have into Your hands
You all that we desire
You show us Your Kingdom
And built into our hearts forevermore
Jesus our lives belong to You

Take all of me
I give You my all for all of You
Move in Your power
Open the heavens Lord Today
Take all of me
Make us Your light for all to see
Change this world we live in
Let Your harvest in
Let Your harvest in

Take all of me
For all of You
All comsuming fire
Take all of me
For all of You
You are my heart desire

My three facourite songs

2006-06-07T08:26:00.000-07:00

On session 6 i felt God trying to tell mie something..

showed mie a verse i think in 1cor 15:51-54

goes like this.. When God come to earth again, christian whose are dead physically will be
ressuracted n given new bodies.. those christian tat are alive.. dont
will be given a new body too..

To mie wat God trying to say is...
Hellow i m comming back... Dun give up dun dream animore

But he told mie this...

I give you dreams and vision.

Go towards it.

What I have shown you, I will help you until what I have shown you is accomplish.

You are the salt of the earth, a salt tat will not lose its flavour.

You are the light of the world, a city on a hill tat cannot be hidden.

Press on to the higher calling.

Do not forsake mie as i did not forsake you.

I am always there to strengthen you for I am your God who will help you and you must

persevere to the end.

SayS the Spirit Of God

2006-06-07T08:15:00.000-07:00

HeHe Guess wat i saw durring Session 3 of Emerge hehe

I saw my self...

Toking on stage...

To so mani ppl...

Wat does t mean??

I dunnoe...

Cos i saw this i dreaming big now

Wat i dream...

I dream tat i m joining preaching challenge in 2007.

Yep i looking forward to it

What my thoughts...

I dunnoe how i going ti accomplish

But..

In the bibble Philipians 4:13

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens mie.

2006-06-07T08:00:00.000-07:00

Emerge Conference 2006

Session 1: Ok! i rougly got the meaning.. Hmm.. POS quite exciting
Stupid fire work.. KIA SI LANG.. I doze of during session 1
LOL shh...

Session 2: Same as past 2 week sermon... Hmm nice song they sing.. Veri nice...

Session 3: WoW Kelly Poon, Hong Jun Yang, Taufik sang during session WoW.. Love it abt walk with God.. WoW veri touching weep like crazy tat dae T.T
This session made mie put back my past n move to the future..
Its where i see my vision WoW ani one interested in my past feel free to visit
http://kayisdead.blogspot.com

Session 4: WoW Ho Yeow Sun a.k.a Sun came and aing wow supprise lol
Love the message =p.. I wanna be a Daniel..
Daniel is Physically healthy
Daniel Groomed himself well
Daniel Mastered the BabyLonian Arts
Daniel have a attitude of serving
Daniel spoke the language of BabyLon

Session 5: Oh man u got to love it!! Learn abt Foxes LOL
My favourite point is.. Foxes are sharp looking creature

Session 6: Aww last dae ler.. Grand Finale T.T.. Aww Sun sang todae and the Niu Nai also
tat guy frm Energy der i think.. There is a price to pay when you are walking
with Jesus.. I M WILLING TO PAY!! I m using the gift tat God gave mie For Him!!
I wanna have weight in mie.. Indeed God puting mie through the fires!

2006-06-06T09:24:00.000-07:00

hi..
When this blog is out...
Consider mie as a living person..
The past is the Past
Let not Dwell in it